My first post about my weight issues.

Hello everyone out there in Internet land. I am about to set forth on a new journey in my life, one which will hopefully change it for the better, and I have decided I want to share it with others out there that might be thinking of doing the same thing. So here it goes, here is the beginning of my story.

I have always been a overweight person, its a life I have become accustomed to. Not one I like,per say, but one I have because use to. I have always been the fat kid, the fat girl, the fat woman, the fat person. That's me, its who I am, who I have always been. I have always been the one everyone looks at, everyone laughs at, points and makes fun of, yeah.. me again. But it has got to where it does not effect me anymore. I have heard from people who claim to love me say, " you know you would be so beautiful, if you were were not big." I want to say, well you would be so much more enjoyable to be around if you were not shallow!!" But I do not, I just agree and go on.

I haven't ever felt sorry for myself, or wished I was someone else, this has just always been me, but back in 2003, while cleaning my home that my then fiance and I shared, I slipped and fell in bleach, resulting in a very injured leg/knee, and no insurance to get it fixed. I was black and blue from the tip of my toe, to the top of my thigh. This is when my weight became a health issue. I could no longer bathe by myself,my fiance had to do it for me, I could not dress myself, get to the bathroom by myself, I could not even drive. Thank the Lord for the man I now call my husband, being there for me, I would have had to have gone into a facility if he had not taken care of me.

A few years pasted, and so did the pain with the knee. I had moved to Oklahoma, we got married, and then moved back to Tennessee. We started working taking care of the mentally disabled, and I feel in love with my career. For the first time ever I was doing something that meant something to someone, and I loved it. We decided to get our CNA license, and began working at a Nursing Home in town to do so. We went to several different nursing facilities in a few years, because my big heart could not stand the abuse we were seeing in the ones we were at, and we would leave. The last one done my health in for me though, I fell lifting a patient, and landed back on that knee. That's where the real issues came to play. Now I could no longer work. I could hardly walk, and what then was a bad issue of obesity turned into where I am today.

Now I am at the point where weight loss surgery is my only option. I have to loose the weight, or I will die. I have been told that by several doctors. This is my only way out, my only chance to make it. So here we are, a few days away from the biggest day of my life.

I began this journey wanting the "quick fix" the biggest surgery they have, to get the most weight loss. I wanted this because I am considered super morbidly obese, and its the only one that will guarantee that I would loose it all in one surgery. But that is not what God's plan was obviously. The doctor told me my heart was to weak to do that particular surgery, known as a "BPD" in one operation, like most people have it. With my asthma and my heart,I would have to get it done in two operations for him to feel safe doing it, but he had to try to get the insurance to agree to that. Well the insurance would not allow that to happen, and since I had fear of that particular surgery, and since the Dr. did not feel comfortable doing it in one procedure I decided to go with the gastric bypass with the roux-en-y. I think this will be the safest way.

I am just a few weeks away from my surgery day, which is September 22, 2010. I am scared and excited. I have been on a 1200 cal. medically supervised diet plan from Dr. Williams since April, and have lost some weight already, close to 30 pds. He recently put me on phentermine to take until surgery, and that seems to be helping as well.

I feel like this is the best thing I can do for myself, at this point, and I will update this, for myself as well as anyone else whom might want to read it, as I go along. I feel like this is going to be a long, interesting journey, and I can not wait to see where it leads.